girl ipsa loquitur: The Old "Triple Dog Dare Ya" Defense Email me!

Saturday, July 31, 2004

The Old "Triple Dog Dare Ya" Defense

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Defense attorneys every where are heaving a sigh of relief today with the news of success for a novel, but age old, common law defense; HE TRIPLE DOG DARED ME!

Usually a successful defense will negate some element of the crime charged. Take Kobe Bryant, for instance. His defense team will try to show that his accuser actually consented to the encounter. If you have consent, then you can not have "without consent", and the crime has not been proved. But, with this newly recognized TDD defense, Kobe stands an excellent chance of prevailing. It might go something like this:

Kobe's attorney "Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury. The prosecution has shown that young, handsome and talented Mr. Bryant did in fact engage in unconsensual sexual conduct with that... woman. HOWEVER, they have shown no evidence whatsoever that he did not receive, just prior to the encounter, a Triple Dog Dare from team mate Luke Walton. What ever the culpability of Luke, also young and handsome and talented, we certainly can not blame Kobe for being unable to resist the Triple Dog Dare. As every Red Blooded American male knows, the Triple Dog Dare is, in fact, factually irresistible."

The Jury "No need to go on, Not guilty by reason of Triple Dog Dare."

Basketball fans everywhere "Did you see how Kobe kept his feet behind that three point line the entire time the jury was finding him not guilty?"

Ground Zero for the introduction of the TDD defense appears to involve Walmart, ladies thong underwear and a security camera. The charge was public indecency.

Lets assume, for purposes of our examination of this new defense, that two guys strolling through Walmart in ladies thong underwear is indecent (all you Panty Rights types pipe down now). Our defendants did stroll publicly in thongs, they were witnessed by concerned citizens and caught on video tape. This is a prosecutorial slam dunk! Yet...authorities say that they will not be prosecuted. Our perpetrators explain that they did it because the were Triple Dog Dared. Even in the face of all this incontrovertible evidence, prosecutors fear the TDD defense so much that they won't even try!

Not since the "Twinkie" defense has there been such a revolution in defense tactics and strategy. I don't know about you but this has me quite concerned for the criminal justice system. What jury could ever resist it? (Perhaps prosecutors can close their arguments by Triple Dog Daring the jury to find the defendant guilty. That is a Gordian knot of incomprehensible complexity.) And what does this portend for the future evolution of criminal defense?

Here are Girl Ipsa's predictions:

First the "Boys Will Be Boys" defense followed quickly by "The Girl Can't Help It".


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